Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Burnt Haggis!

Am still on my diet, which means NO sweets or choccies whatsoever and it is killing me, don’t forget I stopped smoking again two days ago…I know-my life is fucking evil hell. I am not on any substitute nicotine or anything, I am simply gnawing the legs off my table and thinking of the various ways to slowly kill husband as he sits there eating crunchy chocolate biscuits. I have had chick pea and rice with roasted salmon for lunch and went out with my old pal Janette for dinner. We ordered haggis, neeps and tatties…my dish was burnt and the haggis was all crunchy and decimated. Who the hell can burn our National dish? How hard is it to heat up haggis? I could not even eat it and then I refused dessert.

Yet husband eats crunchy biscuits….covered in chocolate…AAARRGGHHH!
I am making ‘high energy smoothies’, ginger, pears, natural yogurt and nutmeg….MMmmmm yummy!! All we need is some crack in there to give it a lift!

I want real food, chocolate and 40 fags a day…but then again I hate the fact my knees hurt, I cant breathe and there is layers of flab that sit on my back with no real anatomical reason for being there, except of course to make me look even more like an Oompa Loompa in a small tight dress.

So now I am detoxing and will be slim and sexy, I want you all to wait patiently for the alluring enticing pictures of me…fuck! Kate Moss has been sacked maybe I can be next ‘face’ for Chanel? Yes…can you see me in a tight black sexy dress, lounging on a chaise long, whilst I wrap my taut thighs about the fit back of some young boy with blond floppy hair, dirty mouth and the type of guy who’s skins still fits him…Grrrrrr? Rock On.

After the copious amounts of ginger/chick peas/ whole rice/ lentils that have been stuffed down my throat, I am scared to go to the toilet…I mean all that whole food with husks…Its not going to be pretty, what is going to come out of there?

Let’s not dwell on that. Talk soon, I am off to dream of chocolate covered fags.

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